This may turn out borderline LiveJournal. We’ll see

I feel like I have life-block lately. I think it started with getting writer’s block, and then just carried over to my entire life. As silly as that sounds.

I feel different. I can’t exactly place how or why, but I feel different. I don’t know why I can’t place it. I’ve always been pretty self-aware, but this time I’m stumped. I feel like life is just droning on. Every week is essentially the same thing. Work 45 hours Sunday-Thursday. Do some reading. Play shows Friday and Saturday. Drive a lot, sleep little. It’s all got me really burned out.

I love playing the shows, obviously. I love music, I love playing music, I love being around music. But another reason I love music so much is the opportunity to connect with people. And I feel like that hasn’t really been happening. Even the people I love in the music scene I haven’t been connecting with lately. There’s laughs and jokes and great times, but there’s this lack of honest conversation that I’m really missing. Maybe it was never there, maybe I’m just idealizing. Who knows. All I know is that I haven’t really felt “all there” in a while.

It’s kind of been like this since my parents’ divorce a few months ago. I exhausted a lot of emotion that day, but since that day I’ve just felt mostly apathy. I have moments of color in my life, like the rare chances to get to really talk to my brother, or when I feel really connected to the music I’m playing. But those seem so few in far between.

I don’t know. This is all really vague. It doesn’t really make sense to me, either. I’m not sad. I think I’m just tired. Or something.