So, I’ve made establishing my sense of self my main goal for 2012. This is really an umbrella of sorts - I want to read more, have more intelligent discussion, stand up for what I believe in, become more independent, yadda yadda.

I feel like I have it in me to make big strides. A big thing I want to do is become more financially responsible. I’ve ridden my parents’ coattails for a long time, and it makes me feel pretty shitty. And now, with the divorce and all, there is a whole lot to go around. My parents are struggling to make ends meet for the first time in years, and having a son who is, for lack of a better term, a deadbeat (at least when it comes to matters involving finances), isn’t helping.

This whole matter of being financial dependent really stems from me relying on others far too often. This is kind of contradictory to my personality, as I don’t open up well to others.

I think I’ve dispelled any notions that I’m going to amount to anything in the traditional sense, that is, something that would make grandparents proud. I struggled with that for a long time, but I’ve come to terms with the fact that I’m going to lead a very non-traditional life. But I don’t want to be frowned upon because I’m a 23-year-old college dropout who relies on his parents to bail himself out of poor decision making and a lack of foresight. I want to be a 23-year-old college dropout who is able to compensate for his poor decision making and lack of foresight.

I’m really just tired of feeling like I’m coasting through life. I want to be someone people can turn to, and I feel like I’m a hard person to turn to because I don’t have my life together.

I’m certainly not looking to become a total square who has no fun. Like I said before, I still want to make poor decisions. I just want to be able to take care of myself while doing so.